1:19 am and I have much on my mind. The one thing I want I can't have. I don't know what to do. I am confused. I am frustrated that I can't feel the way I want to. You can't force feelings though. They have to come by themselves. I will not settle, and I will wait tell you come no matter how long it is. I know your out there.

Where am I?

Something that has been on my mind?

How does one find true love? Is there really such thing? I often see many couples all over the place and I wonder....How did you decide to just date each other? How did you find one another? How do two people in this big world find each other, and then decide....well I love you enough....so I am gonna spend the rest of my life with you? Beats me! I date and date and date and date, but not one of them seems to be what I am looking for. They always end up being great friends, but just not someone I can feel something with. I am fine with not being married and doing the baby thing. I have a great life. I get to have a career....I get to travel the world which I love......I get to use my money for whatever I want.....but.......It's hard not to wonder why your not married when you look at so many of your other friends who are, and most of them have 1, 2, or maybe 3 babies. I am sure I am not the only single girl who wonders this, but I feel like I just keep getting older and older. There is so much more to life then being married, but I am surrounded by married people. I wonder if people ever look at me and envy my life because they are married and I am single....??ha ha....I know all things happen in their time. I just don't want to wake up one day and realize all my friends are married. I don't think I am picky....I just have never had the feeling! You know the one people say....."I just knew they were the one." Well there is my rant about that.......One day it will be my turn....but for now I am going to just keep enjoying my beautiful life, and keep myself on the road to becoming a better person....I have much more traveling to do....and more lives to save....so until I meet you or realize your the one I am gonna enjoy my life and continue to be happy that I am still experiencing life.

Haiti....We are the World

AYITI

So where do I even start....

I decided to go to Haiti around the end of March beginning of April...Little did I know how deep of an impact it would make upon me....I feel forever changed, and I feel this connection with the people of Haiti like I have never felt before. What is the word...I feel nostalgia...I have been gone for some time now and I still think about it every single day. I think of the people...the culture...the way of life....my friends still behind in haiti...and my friends I made while in Haiti but live in the US. I feel like I talk about my experience in Haiti constantly....and maybe my friends and family are tired of hearing it...but I can't help it. Haiti has been ingrained deep within my soul. The love I feel for Haiti is something I have never experienced before. Who thought two weeks could change my life. Well it did! I have always wanted to do something like work with Sustain Haiti. I never even thought Haiti would be a place I would go. God is in all things...he is in my life and yours...and I know he knows all things...I feel he knows me so well. He knew that I would need this experience in my life, and how deeply it would affect me. Thank you My Heavenly Father for guiding me in the right direction. I am glad to have you on my side....

Now let me tell you about where my trip started:

My family took me to the SLC airport on Sunday July 24th. I went from SLC to the LAX airport, on to Miami, and then finally onto HAITI! I met up with a great girl Melissa in Miami, so we landed in Haiti together. It was very comforting to have her there. When we got to Haiti it was hot and humid and I thought I might sweat every drop of water from my body. Well me and Melissa went to find our bags after going through customs. It was pure chaos. The bags were in no order. Found my big bag and unfortunately the handle was broken; so in other words it was very hard to pull along. When you get ready to leave the airport there are all these men who offer to take your bags. They are very persistent. One in particular didn't think I could manage my bag so I finally just picked my huge bag up since it wouldn't role very well....and said NO, absoliman pa. It worked because he finally left me alone.

Well we found the people who were there to pick us up pretty quickly. It was Rony and some girls who were leaving that day after having been in Haiti for a month. After we dropped them off for their flight back to the US it was me, Rony, and Melissa. As we drove through the streets I couldn't believe the traffic. I had never before seen so many cars driving so closely together. Apparently when they honk their horns it's like another language. People cut each other off..there is no speed limit...and the roads are not very good. Everywhere I looked there was people walking all over the streets trying to sell things. There was also so much rubble and broken down buildings and houses. There is still so much to be done even though the earthquake was about 1 year and 1/2 ago. I was in culture shock. If you have never before left the US and been to a 3rd world country then you would think our traffic here is nothing. We are so blessed. I saw whats called mototaxi's all over the streets which I would soon come to find out would be my main source of transportation.

A question you might ask is: How many people can you fit on a mototaxi...three, or maybe four?

Well if you answered 3 or 4 you got it right! Hey maybe even five could fit. It was actually really fun for me...Only had one bad experience on one...but we will leave that story untold.

Another form of transportation is the tap taps...Its like a truck but everyone sits on benches in the back...How many people can you fit in a tap tap...ha ha...Well I am not sure...50 maybe...Never before have you been so close to someone:)

Well we got to the house that everyone from Sustain Haiti stayed in. It is located in Leogane. We were gonna go out and do some work but instead we ended up getting this huge downpour of rain. The Haitians are terrified of rain I found out. So they won't come to any of our classes when they expect rain because we usually teach them outside. The rain is crazy in Leogane, and especially during this time of year. There was one day where we were coming home from teaching a class about broken bones, and a business class.....and well basically we had to get home in the biggest rain storm that I have ever seen. We took moto-taxis so we all got soaked. At one point I thought death would be a possibility since I could barely see and I don't know how our moto-taxi guy could see either. The feeling of the rain felt amazing, and so refreshing. All I could do was laugh, because it was like we were driving through a waterfall for like 15 minutes. I remember looking at my friends on the other moto taxis and we all just started laughing. I almost went into hysterics. The memory is so vivid in my mind. I loved it. But don't worry we made it back safely...I am sure you realized that or I may not be writing this blog. I won't tell you every little detail of my trip to Haiti....But now I am gonna tell you about some of my favorite moments and memories. I would have to write a novel to tell you every little detail of my trip. Oh and if you are ever in Haiti you might as well get used to everyone calling you "Blan," or "Hey you." They like to say that to white people!

So we went to 3 different orphanages while I was there. We went to Orphanages called Mormon orphanage, new voice, and field tent. It was so great to hold all the children and to teach them English. I feel that teaching them English will greatly impact their future lives. The children were so sweet and just in need of love. I felt this strong connection with so many of them. We would play games and laugh together. I loved to see their smiles that were so beautiful. When I held the children I felt as if I was closer to God. I know God loves all his children regardless of what circumstances they are in. I hope to one day adopt a few children so that they can have a home. Here are some of the pictures of these beautiful children and babies......

My heart was stolen

Field tent orphanage!

New Voice Orphanage

I loved working with the orphanages. I wish there was a place for all of these children.

We also taught English classes every morning which was a lot of fun. I had a beginners and intermediate class. The first one started at 5:30am and usually went tell about 6:30am. The 2nd class went from 6:30 to about 7:30am. It was great. I had some really great students. Some days were hard because I could only speak English to them, but I feel that the best way to learn is by full immersion in the language. Some of my students really liked Akon so one day I rapped for them the Akon song "sweetest girl." It was one of my favorite days in class. They couldn't understand a word I said because I had to sing it fast to make it sound legit, but they still liked it. I wrote the part of the song on the board that I rapped and we spent the rest of class fixing the song to make the English right. SO it turned out to be a really useful way to teach English. Akon has good raps, but unfortunately it's not proper English. His songs wouldn't be any good though if he used all proper English is what I think.

This is just some of my intermediate class

This picture reminds me of one of my other adventures in Haiti. So a small group of us took a tap tap up to the mountains of Haiti to teach a Cholera health class. Well when we got there we couldn't find anyone we were supposed to teach so we decided to take a little hike to go and find them. Well we ended up getting lost and not finding the people, but we had a fun hike. Only fell a couple of times. I guess there is supposed to be a short way but we took the long way so that we wouldn't end up in the completely wrong place. We ended up finding the short way on our way back which worked out. ha ha ha...

So this is up at a place called Fort Jacques. On my first Saturday we decided to go up there. It's in the mountains of Haiti. When we went it was raining all day. I guess their is normally a pretty incredible view of Port-au-prince, but since there was so much fog we didn't have the best view. It was still really cool to see this fort, and to see that it was still standing even after the earthquake. This is some of my group that I spent a lot of time with. All very hard working people that I came to have so much love and respect for. Everyone really put their hearts into Sustain Haiti.

Some of our group at church!

We went to church the 2 Sundays I was there. Everything was in French so basically I didn't understand a thing unless it was Good morning. My favorite was hearing the Sacrament prayers. I could still feel the spirit so strongly even though I couldn't understand exactly what was being said. I know the prayers well in English so I it helped me to realize some of what they were saying. I love that you can go anywhere in the world and still find members of the LDS church. The church is true, and I love seeing members in every nation.

I left Leogane on Monday the 8th of August. It has now been a month since I have been home. I still miss it. I remember the night before I left one of my English students came over and wanted to say goodbye. I will never forget the things that he said to me. He looked at me with grateful eyes and said "I do not know how to thank you, my words have just floated away from me." He expressed to me about how happy he was to have met me, and that he was so happy for all the things that Sustain Haiti had done. The whole trip to Haiti was worth it even if I only made a difference in one person's life. What many of them don't realize though is the difference they made in my life. My eyes have been opened, and my heart feels bigger than it has ever felt before. I say this to all my friends here and in Haiti. Never give up! Always fight for what you believe in! Things will work out for you. Maybe not in the way you want, but they will work out. There is a God and he wants us all the succeed. Have patience and faith and watch for those small blessings he leaves in your life everyday. Sustain Haiti went to Haiti the first time because of the earthquake that changed Haiti forever.

I cannot imagine what it would have been like to have something like this change the very way of life. Even though hard things happen I know there is always a way to look for the good. There is beauty in all things. When we come together as a people regardless of our language or nationality, if we work together we can all build one another up. We all need each other:) I know many of the projects we all worked on together as Sustain Haiti will help the people in Haiti for a long time to come. Haiti I will see you soon enough. Orevwa. Na we pita!!!

Haiti Haiti

So I am going to Haiti 2 weeks from tomorrow and I can't wait. I am going with a group called Sustain Haiti. My friend introduced me to it last year. I really wanted to go last year but just didn't see

it possible. So when he brought it up this year again I decided I am going and

there is nothing that is going to stop me. I thought well the money won't be that hard to come up with because I have a good job but I knew I would have to do some saving!

Funny story is that I hadn't done my taxes yet when I decided to go back in April. I thought I would for sure owe the government money because I make way to much

for being single now that I am an RN. I was so scared of owing money that I held off as long as possible in doing my taxes. Inspiration maybe?? Well turns our the government

ended up owing me $2,156. Yeah those little suckas!!! It was $56 more than the

money I needed to go to Haiti! Well it was like an

answer to my prayers. I felt that

I needed to go and help these people and teach them what I know. But for some reason

I think I will be the one learning more then anything about what really is

important in life. Thank you god for putting this opportunity in my path and helping me to take it. I will put my whole self into this.

There are so many people that need a helping and loving hand out there. I have never done anything like this in my life, and I am so excited to go.

I know I may find a few spiders in my bed, or maybe get eaten by misquitos but

I don't care. I know that there will be lots of challenges, but I know a lot of good

is going to come from us being there. I can't wait to forget about myself and

think only of others constantly. These people live in such humble

circumstances. I can't wait to

learn more about the people who are in Haiti. We are all God's children, and we need to help one another realize our potentials. I hope that I can make a difference in

some small way. We are very blessed in our country. Let us all help in anyway that we can. One person does make a difference. The worth of souls is great in the site of God. :)

music=life

So I have just been listening to some songs lately, and some of them remind me of how I feel.......so why not blog about it right....ha ha....Well I won't put the whole song in here, but some of the lyrics to how I feel....Don't you sometimes just feel like your life is a song...?!?!!!

Hey boy I really wanna see if you can go downtown with a girl like me
Hey boy, I really wanna be with you
Cause you just my type
Ooh na na na na
I need a boy to really take it over

You’re so amazing, you took the time to figure me out
Thats why you take me, way past the point of turning me on
You bout to break me, I swear you got me losing my mind

So sometimes I wish I could find a guy who really appreciates a woman who is independent, because I feel like I am that girl who is independent, and it can be hard to find a guy who likes that. Here is a song about an independent woman being appreciated!

ooh it's somethin' about
Just somethin about the way she move
I cant figure it out
there's somethin about her

said ooh its somethin about
kinda woman that want you but dont need you
hey i cant figure it out
there's something about her

cause she walk like a boss
talk like a boss
manicured nails to set the pedicure off
shes fly effortlessly

and she move like a boss
do what a boss do
she got me thinkin about getting involved
thats the kinda girl i need oh

she got her own thing
thats why i love her
miss independent
wont you come and spend a little time?

she got her own thing
thats why i love her
miss independent
ooh the way we shine
miss independent yeah

ooh there's somethin about
kinda woman that can do for herself
i look at her and it makes me proud
theres somethin about her

theres somethin oh so sexy about
kinda woman that dont even need my help
she said she got it she got it no doubt
there's something about her

cause she work like a boss play like a boss
car and a crib she bout to pay em both off
and her bills are paid on time

she made for a boss, only a boss
anything less she tellin them to get lost
thats the girl thats on my mind

she got her own thing
thats why i love her
miss independent
wont you come and spend a little time?

she got her own thing
thats why i love her
miss independent
ooh the way we shine
miss independent yeah

mmm her favorite thing to say
dont worry i got it
mmm and everything she got
best believe she bought it

mmm she gon' steal my heart
aint no doubt about it
girl you're everything i need
said you're everything i need

How do you feel today?

So I was thinking about life today and how it is always changing. Sometimes it's the mood I am in or my circumstances just change...But I feel like we choose

how we want to react to anything in life...

Do you feel scared today of not knowing what the future holds? I know that I am scared everyday of the unknowing. Well I guess you can't live your life

in fear, so I choose to cope with it by taking crazy pictures!!!!

Do you feel surprised some days? Yeah I feel surprised alot! I don't realize what I am capable of so I tend to surprise myself. We are all more capable of accomplishing

our dreams then we may think...surprise yourself today!

Perplexed anyone!?!!?

Happiness is what I think of here...Life is full of happiness...It's all about how you view it. Your dog could die, your house burns down, you break your leg, and whatever other bad things that could ruin your day...........but you can still just be happy....because I promise that someone may be having a worse day then you:)

Some days are you feeling sneaky or mischievous? Well I feel like that all the time....There is not a day that goes by where I don't try to do something of the sort. ha ha ha!

Today I feel content....Life is good....life is great...I can't complain...

It's cold outside and I wouldn't mind if summer came early!!!

So it's freezing outside, and I would have to say that I am tired of it now! There is a reason that summer is my favorite time of year. It's hot, the sun is shining, I get to run around in a bathing suit, tan skin, summer flings, laying in the warm grass to reading a book, wakeboarding, swimming, and one of my favorite things is that I get to run outside! What else is good about summer? Well I can tell you a few more things...You get to drive around with your windows down and the warm air blows through your hair. The sun stays up tell 7 or later! Oh how I love watching the summer sun set. I miss water balloon fights, and eating popsicle's and icecream. Sand volleyball! Can't forget that one. I love the feeling of the warm concrete against my bare feet. Watching movies outside....running around in warm summer rain is quite amazing. Yes I like to run:) I love sunday afternoons, and going to see me family....Ok well basically I miss summer, but for now I will reside to sitting in my house where the heater is on so that I don't have to freeze my butt off! More snowboarding may take my mind off the cold. Tata for now!!